omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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