I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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