i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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