I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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