I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
