the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
