shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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