i barfeds in our rink
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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