fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
