Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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