my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
