does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
