My brain says no but my pants say off.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
