Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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