I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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