I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
