i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need a beard to bite.
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