my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
