A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
