She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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