Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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