I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
