Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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