I just saw a hot homeless man
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize