If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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