Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize