after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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