I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
