wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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