Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
