Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
