You really coming over, don't trick.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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