I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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