Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
