i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The feeling are messing with the penis
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
