i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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