Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
