chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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