My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
only you would photoshop your dick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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