he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
