before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
