The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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