for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
