i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
