I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
FUCK WHALES
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
