Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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