you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
