I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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