from now on my penis is your penis
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
