I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
