I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
