I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
