when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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