Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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