It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
