ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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