so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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