he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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