Can Purell be used as lube?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
