that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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