You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
