Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
